Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

:love:
 

Attempt at Descriptive Writing by ~LyndonArmitage:iconLyndonArmitage:



Within the midst of the ruins of a past age a small round brick poised uneasily on the edge of a pillar. It was rough to the touch, grey and cold to look at. It fell deep into the dark pit it surrounded. Echoing as it fell hitting the sides of the pit, deeper and deeper it fell until, after an eternity it finally made a splash. The brick swam deep under the ground away from all light, past the unspeakable prehistoric fish that made the depths their home. The brick hit the subterranean ocean floor silently and blocked the small red gas vent of the ocean. The ground groaned under its new strain. With a great whoosh the brick was hurled upwards towards one of the dense underground walls. Crack. It blasted clean through the wall into a large natural cave. The water splashed through the new crevice, filling every square inch it could find. Before the hour was up the underground sea was but a shadow of its former self and the natural cave, a labyrinth of water and tunnels.
Out of the dark caves swam a man. A man who had never seen the light of the moon or the sun, a man who had lived his whole life underground eating what he could forage from the caves. Bugs, weeds, whatever he could get his hands on he would eat but now he had been forced from his home and someone had to pay. Up and up he went till he surfaced and saw the vast rocky climb to the surface world. He returned to his flooded abyss with little trouble and hauled out the brick that had caused the dilemma.
After he removed the brick he examined it. The brick fascinated him. In all of his life under the earth he couldn’t recall a more beautiful stone. It’s shape was irregular and there were grooves within it.
©2008-2009 ~LyndonArmitage
:iconlyndonarmitage:

Author's Comments

Er just an attempt at descriptive writing. No real theme of course, could be an intro of a main character (Protagonist or antagonist.)
I placed it in fantasy purely because it seems to fit into that genre.
Of course I'd like some critique, just don't be overly harsh...

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconswfan6429:
I'd say it was VERY descriptive. I had to read it twice to get all the details.
One thing bothered me though: the third sentance.
Shouldn't it be: "It fell deep into the dark pit that surrounded it" ?

--
"Don't waste no drank" - A very wise man
:iconlyndonarmitage:
Yes it should, I don't know why it doesn't lol
Thanks I was reading something about descriptive writing and wrote it for an exercise it suggested, the file name i gave the document it is in is rather good: "Cave water sea splash rock brick.wps"

--
I want to believe..

Always Remember your towel!

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by."
- Douglas Adams.

Conwolrds: [link]
:iconlozzaledda:
hmmm, very descriptive

--
Profesional doodler
:iconlyndonarmitage:
lol you beat Max to commenting :P

--
I want to believe..

Always Remember your towel!

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by."
- Douglas Adams.

Conwolrds: [link]
:icondeathblast:
Hmmmmm. . . I love it,
it's really Really descriptive,
*Fav* you should write
more of these maybe
even a story

--
Objection!! [link]
[link]
:iconlyndonarmitage:
lol yes, this is a nice introduction for a villain I guess. Or even a hero...

--
I want to believe..

Always Remember your towel!

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by."
- Douglas Adams.

Conwolrds: [link]
:icondeathblast:
Yes we will call him
Brick-man
*megaman theme in background*

--
Objection!! [link]
[link]
:iconlyndonarmitage:
Brick-man: Mwhahaha! *Pew pew*
Brick-man: Join me Megaman, together we could rule the cyber world!
Megaman: No! You killed my farther!
Brick-man: No Megaman, I am your Farther!
Megaman: Noooooooooooo!
---
Stop the presses I gotta get all this down for the story :P

--
I want to believe..

Always Remember your towel!

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by."
- Douglas Adams.

Conwolrds: [link]
:icondeathblast:
Don't join him
megaman you dumbass
your a reploid and
reploids don't have fathers

--
Objection!! [link]
[link]

Details

March 27, 2008
1.8 KB

Statistics

17
1 [who?]
141 (0 today)
2 (0 today)

Site Map